# "How Parents Can Foster Their Children's Self-Esteem" In this psychology podcast "So bin ich eben" (This is just how I am), Stephanie Stahl, a well-known psychotherapist and author, and Lukas Klaschinski discuss how parents can strengthen their children's self-esteem. The hosts share both scientific findings and personal experiences – Lukas as the father of a seven-year-old daughter and Stephanie from her psychotherapeutic practice. ### 1. Secure Attachment as the Foundation for Self-Esteem A secure attachment is the most important foundation for a healthy self-esteem. The hosts strongly disagree with the earlier widespread parenting practice of letting children "cry it out": "I think that's the most disastrous thing you can do, letting your child cry it out when they're alone sleeping. It's a completely wrong signal for the little being. And it feels abandoned, it feels unattached, and it can also lead to the fact that certain neural structures in the brain cannot develop." ### 2. Balance between Autonomy and Attachment According to Stahl and Klaschinski, children should be involved in decision-making processes in an age-appropriate manner. This way, they learn that they can shape relationships: "Autonomy also means that the child is simply allowed to have their own will and grows up with the feeling that relationships are something that can be shaped and not something that simply has to be endured." ### 3. Parents' Self-Reflection as the Key A central point is the self-reflection of parents about their own influences and patterns. Lukas Klaschinski reports: "I always thought my daughter had to work hard and experience a lot to have a good life. And at some point, I realized that this doesn't correspond to her needs, but rather to my own influences." ### 4. Fostering a Positive Culture of Mistakes A healthy culture of mistakes would help children view failures as temporary: "The child will also learn to calm down again. So, when the child cries, stress hormones are released, and when it's calmed down, relaxation hormones are released. And if this happens repeatedly, a stress-relaxation cycle emerges in the child's head." ### 5. Focusing on Strengths rather than Excessive Praise The hosts recommend recognizing and promoting children's genuine strengths rather than expressing excessive and undifferentiated praise: "Mindless praise, which we haven't mentioned yet, can actually weaken a child's self-esteem. But if parents praise too much and for relatively banal stories, it can weaken the self-esteem because the child doesn't feel entirely taken seriously." ## Breakdown The podcast offers an accessible, scientifically grounded discussion about parenting practices to foster children's self-esteem. Particularly valuable is the connection between theoretical findings and practical examples from the everyday lives of both hosts. The clear positioning against authoritarian parenting methods, such as "letting children cry it out," and the historical contextualization of such practices in the context of National Socialist educational ideology provides an important perspective on the development of parenting concepts. The balance between psychological expertise and personal anecdotes makes complex topics easily understandable. Noteworthy is the hosts' self-reflection about their own parenting mistakes and uncertainties, which promotes a realistic, non-perfectionist approach to parenthood. The podcast avoids simplifying "recipes" and instead emphasizes the importance of individual needs and temperaments of children. The discussion could have benefited from more diversity, such as perspectives from different socio-economic realities or from parents with particular challenges. Nevertheless, the podcast offers valuable food for thought for parents and all those who work with children. Listening recommendation: An informative and empathetic episode for anyone who wants to better understand and support children in their development.