# Key Points In the podcast episode "So bin ich eben" by psychotherapist Stefanie Stahl and psychologist Lukas Klaschinski, Dominik is a guest. He reports on his experiences with relationship anxiety and how he has learned to deal with it. The podcast sheds light on what relationship anxiety feels like and the mechanisms behind it. ### 1. The Cycle of Conquest and Distanization Dominik describes how he used to view women not as partners on an equal level, but as "trophies". After successful conquest, he quickly lost interest. The respect for the conquered person disappeared: "It's like a trophy. [...] And the paradox is that as soon as you've found this home and the conquest has taken place, it's no longer worth much." ### 2. People Pleasing as a Manipulative Strategy To conquer people, Dominik would adapt to his counterpart and analyze their needs. He himself calls this manipulative: "I would now simply call it bluntly manipulative. [...] You manipulate people into liking you." This strategy leads to a restless, driven feeling of life. ### 3. The Roots of Relationship Anxiety in Childhood Dominik sees the cause of his relationship anxiety in his childhood. As a highly gifted child, he was not properly understood by his parents: "I said to myself yesterday, I don't even know how valuable it is when parents emotionally invest in their children, like my children do. [...] As a child, I was not emotionally invested in." ### 4. The Path to Healing through Self-Empathy The decisive turning point for Dominik was to develop empathy for himself. He achieved this through a kind of meditation, in which he looked at his inner child: "I had the emotion of being sad for myself. This child that I saw before me, but that was ultimately myself. And from this, a kind of caregiving reflex for myself was triggered." ## Breakdown The podcast offers a remarkably deep insight into the psychodynamics of relationship anxiety. Especially valuable is the insider perspective of an affected person who has already reflected on and analyzed their own patterns. Dominik's descriptions of manipulation and emotional distancing convey an authentic picture of relationship dynamics in attachment anxiety. The conversation led by the therapists is empathetic and at the same time precisely inquiring, making complex psychological processes tangible. It is striking how transparently the connection between childhood experiences and later relationship behavior is worked out, without falling into blame. The podcast avoids simplifying solution approaches and emphasizes instead that healing is a complex, non-linear process: "That's not a switch you flip." Particularly helpful is the presentation of concrete ways to self-empathy as a key to overcoming relationship anxiety. The therapeutic approach of understanding one's own story without being trapped in it is vividly conveyed. The episode offers valuable insights and perspectives for both those affected and people who deal with attachment-anxious individuals. Listening recommendation: A profound, enlightening episode for anyone who wants to understand what is going on in attachment-anxious people and what the path to more authentic relationships can look like.